


elan

by manubibi



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Canonical Character Death, Future Fic, Lime, M/M, Suicide, War, Wow, mention of reigisa, never would i have thought i'd write makoharu ff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-07
Updated: 2016-01-07
Packaged: 2018-05-12 10:00:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5662189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manubibi/pseuds/manubibi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"Makoto..." <br/>Three syllables that always walked with him until now, for twenty-three years, four of which he spent swimming towards his dream. Useless, he thinks. And to think he was getting ready for his first Olympics with Rin... they won't happen. Rin won't show him any more sights he's never seen before. Water won't make him float to calmer shores, and cradle him to make him forget about his problems. In a few hours the shortest war in History will be over and their existence, together with many others, will only be a chilling shadow on a wall. Maybe theirs will be tangled together, a bit like a representation of their story. </i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	elan

He just cannot ignore the sounds of screams and alarms out there, muffled by distance and the white walls around them. They tell him often that he's lucky to have the kind of face he does, that hardly ever changes, that barely ever shows what happens inside of him. But many times people looked at him like a freak, distancing themselves from that boy who looks like he's wearing a rock mask, apparently impassible.  
His world has been spiraling into chaos for the latest two hours, and not just his world, everybody's world. There is no place to escape to, because every second missiles rain down on the planet bringing down only death, and everywhere people are choosing to give it to themselves.   
For instance, their friend was dangling in the bathroom of his small, dirty flat, when his best friend Rei found him. They listened with anguish to his sobs through the phone for the last hour, the call ended a few minutes ago together with his phone battery.   
He was unable to say anything aside from Nagisa's name and "I should have told him, I should've told him..."   
He should have told him that he loved him. That if the sun would turn dark, at least Nagisa was there with his smile and something stupidly optimistic to say in an attempt to console them, managing against logic. It's actually true that the most outwardly happy people are the loneliest, and the saddest. Nagisa left before all of his friends, before them, silently and without making himself heard, disappearing in the backstage without bothering anyone. Like he's always done.   
To Rei he was the world and he never realized it. To Rei, the world is already over.

There are no more friends, no more love, and no more hope. There is only his shocked heart beating with the fear of death, an anguishing pump that hurts with every beat. That, and Makoto next to him, fisting through his own hair desperately, tears that won't stop rolling down his face, despite himself, despite the fact that he keeps telling himself he should be protecting and reassuring and hold Haru tight.   
"Makoto," Haruka calls softly, finally wrapping him up with an arm instead.   
"Haru, I'm scared," the other sobs, and even though he is big and tall - a lot more than him - Haruka thinks right now he looks just like the kid he met when they were very small and young, the same kid who was scared of pretty much anything. After all, he did not change that much in that sense. He still looks for Haruka's hand like that time when they had assisted to a funeral march. He looks at him but hopeless. He's always been in fear of a lot of things, but this time it's a shared feeling.   
"Haru," he repeats through his teeth, holding the other's fingers in his big hand.   
"Makoto..."   
Three syllables that always walked with him until now, for twenty-three years, four of which he spent swimming towards his dream. _Useless_ , he thinks. And to think he was getting ready for his first Olympics with Rin... they won't happen. Rin won't show him any more sights he's never seen before. Water won't make him float to calmer shores, and cradle him to make him forget about his problems. In a few hours the shortest war in History will be over and their existence, together with many others, will only be a chilling shadow on a wall. Maybe theirs will be tangled together, a bit like a representation of their story.   
"Haru," two syllables tremble in the air and Makoto sounds weirdly confident now, lifting his green gaze into Haruka's blue, deep one. "I don't want to have regrets," he adds, and Haruka immediately thinks of Rei's mantra. I should've told him, I should've told him, I should've told him...   
"What?" He only manages to ask, his heart thrumming twice as hard, hurting twice as much, and yet he cannot seem to care as he reads Makoto like an open book, not that Makoto lets him do it. Now that Makoto delicately grabs one of his hands leaning forward with a begging look, Haruka finds himself reflecting the movement until their lips meet.  
To Makoto it's not like he had imagined it. It hurts, it just _hurts_ , it hurts in every moment when their lips touch and explore each other. And yet he cannot stop, despite his heart beating with fear he holds his big hands to Haruka's head, pulls him closer, kisses him again and again and Haruka doesn't resist, he gives into it, wrapping his fingers around the other's tee wet with tears. If anything, the sounds outside seem to have stopped, at least for them. There is only Makoto's regret of not having done it before. There is Haruka's pain for their friends, for Makoto who's crying, he can sense its salty taste mixed up with saliva.   
"Makoto," he whispers again, with his voice shaking a little. His eyes re also wet with tears hanging on his lashes, but then a small smile curves his lips. _I'm happy I'm with you_ , his eyes say, shining. Makoto looks at him surprised and then sobs, hugs him, kisses him again and for a brief moment it seems like dying is worth it if he knows his love is accepted. His clumsy hands hesitates between their bodies, pulls back for a moment, but then grabs Haruka's nape, holding him closer.   
"Haru," he starts, knowing that if he could not confess this to _him_ , then there would be no hope to be allowed to say it. "Tomorrow it'll be all over. Us, everything, everybody... it'll be all gone."  
Haruka nods, conscious of that, agreeing without even a blink. He knows, and that is why he cannot understand it yet. It's something too big to process, and they are going through the consequences of something they never chose nor provoked. Something they never even had nightmares about. People do a great deal of talking about the end of the world (as we know it anyway), that it will happen, and yet when it happens it just happens, ineluctable, it doesn't leave space for any famous last words or thoughts. Haruka has no time for anger, no space in his heart left for sadness, and no ears for anything other than Makoto's shy, trembling words. Shy, even when the world is ending! Shy, as if there was time to regret it tomorrow.   
"I want to make love to you."   
Haruka's eyes go wide anyway, even though one would expect only crazy things like that in moments like this. He never thought about that possibility. Makoto was always a pillar, a constant presence next to him, something like family... the concept of making love is so far from anything Haruka would have thought to hear from him.  
"O-Only if you want, of course..."  
"Yes," he replies, now letting tears go, maybe for his vanishing fear, and for a weird second his heart finds rest. "Yes, Makoto."

Three syllables roll together through his lips in a continuous cycle: Ma-ko-to. They stumble and slide and intertwine, tremble like the two bodies on the undone bed between which Makoto's name flows together with Haruka's, their limbs tangled together.  
Makoto thrusts inside of him, he does it with urgency because everything might end in a moment but Haruka does not complain, he pushes his body back against the other and he does so panting with his eyes closed.   
"Haru," Makoto sobs.   
"Makoto," he replies, petting gently through his hair - he is always so gentle - and finally looks at him. Makoto's visage is pink, his irises green gets lost and blurred out in that color. His skin seems to glisten with his sweat and in this moment surrounding Haruka is only his scent. Scent of home. Inside of him Makoto moves with strength, hurried, and it does not hurt much but it's happening too fast. Haruka tightens his knees around Makoto's waists.   
"Slow," he asks, almost _calm_ , despite everything lifting his hear to kiss him.  
Makoto looks down at him, blinking, but his body obeys. Despite the fact that he slowed down, at the end of every thrust his body pushes Haruka's a little back, and they swing together, back and forth like a boat following the sea's ebb. They too, in the end, are subjected to what happens around them. But at least they can do this. Which is still a form of control, as small as it is.   
Nagisa too decided for himself how to go. He thought he had nobody anyway, that maybe pretending to be alright was not worth it in the end, that he was not special enough for Rei-chan to like him. His refusal was, in the end, his personal and definitive form of control on what was happening, or an illusion of it. And Rei _decided_ to stay there in that narrow flat, cuddling with the smaller, cold body and whispering little words of comfort for himself, to be with Nagisa one way or another, to tell him all those things he had never been able to say. Going crazy, instead of running outside and acting like a normal person, those who act insane. 

Haruka hugs the hot and trembling body on top of him, accepts it, melts around it. He closes his eyes and leans his cheek on the other's shoulder tenderly, letting himself be cradled. His body relaxes, his mind falling asleep quietly as his body pulsates, clenches, follows Makoto's movements. Ma-ko-to, three syllables that sound like calm, that tell him despite everything it will all be okay. That even though there's no hope left, somehow it will be okay. _Ma-ko-to_.   
He kisses his shoulder, his neck, cheeks, until their lips meet again and the warmth under their skin is energy, exploding life, it's their last heartbeats that together seem to say, _we're still here_.   
Ma-ko-to, he calls again, this time smiling and Makoto looks at him, a bit puzzled.   
"What you feel, I feel it too," he confesses with his heart that jumps in his chest, and he blushes. He blushes like a teenager, in front of everything he has left. He wishes he could see all of his friends, wishes they could hold him just once again, but in the end he is also sure somewhere in Makoto's love there is also Nagisa's, Rei's, Rin's, Gou's, Ren and Ran's. Of the people he loves back. Maybe they're not many, but they are all important, all as important as Makoto. After all, that love is made of the same matter, it just comes in different forms. 

Ma-ko-to. Ma-ko-to. _Ma-ko_ \--

A blinding light fills them up, suddenly, still tangled up together on the bed. Makoto whispers his name once again and decides he's not scared anymore. Haruka closes his eyes and decides everything's alright.

**Author's Note:**

> So this was written for a pornfest (shhh) and for a challenge where I had to fill the prompt "fear of dying".   
> Anyway, you know, if you follow me on tumblr or social media you'll know I hate on Makoharu, mostly because of really bad stuff I've seen mh fans do. But surprisingly, my bitterness didn't translate in this fic, and that makes me happy. It means I still love Makoto and after all I still love mh together with every other ship. I love Haru, I love Makoto, Rin, Nagisa, Rei, everyone.   
> So yeah, blame the prompts for this sadness fest.   
> Also the title is the title for the song in Zankyou No Terror that (SPOILERS) plays during the nuclear explosion in episode 11 iirc.


End file.
